Location

Blitz's Grand Theatre

Structure

One Intro Each
Three Battle's Each
One Victory

Judges

Will be wrangled later

Speed Run:

Each post will take no more than 15 minutes long. After that, you post, no matter what. You are allowed three minutes time to edit, but you may not add or subtract anything from your post, only correct grammar, maybe reword something or add Markup. The victory post is the natural exception <3

[size=1][color=#666666]This message was edited by Rust on Oct 13 2009.

In the beginning, there was nothing

And then... there was this bright flash of light, and a small child stood in its place. He glanced around, looking right and left, but there was nothing there. It was complete emptiness and silence until...

"BASIS WANTS HIS DAG-GON BUBBLE WRAP." And so it was; with his outcry a large crate fell out of the air, landing with a large bang, causing the child to jump. It was a typical crate, nothing special, until the boy attacked it with his fists. The crate splintered and fell apart, revealing a mass of bubble wrap inside. With a gleeful grin, the boy dove in and started popping everything around him. Then he remembered: he was here for a reason. He slowly removed himself from the crate. "Okatay, bubble wrap goes bye bye."

And then it was so. "We need some walls, Blitz! And maybe a ceiling, perhaps even TWO ceilings, can we do that? No? Maybe? Fine, only one ceiling." Basis pouted, crossing his arms as a child as he defeated... himself? Yeah, that makes sense. But never the less, walls erupted from the ground around him, creating a football field-sized arena. Unfortunately, Basis didn't get any ceilings, which he thought was a gip.

"OH WELL THANKS A LOT BLITZ NOW WE'RE GUNNA BE ALL JUMPING AROUND AND THERE'S NOTHING TO STOP US!" Basis yelled. At least he could see now. The arena was completely empty. But he knew that was not the case, they were explaining the rules to Malali. "They" being Wisper, who had set up this whole operation.

'Weapons, Basis.' Other reminded the child from inside his head, causing Basis to nod. This was all for show, after all. "Alright, Basis wants bubble wrap armor with a cardboard tube laser beam cannon!" Popping into existence with, well, a pop, Basis was surrounded by a big roll of bubble wrap. It bound him tight, he couldn't even move! "T-that's not what Basis meant!" A deep chuckle poured from the arena's walls; Blitz loved his jokes. The bubble wrap glowed white before conforming to the child's body. In the shape of a medieval suit of armor, the bubble wrap rested on Basis's body. In his right hand, a small, toilet paper tube appeared with a trigger coming out of a small hole. Unimpressed, Basis frowned.

"Doesn't Blitz know that the only kind of tube Basis wants is one that came from a wrapping paper tube thing!?" Once again, things shifted to take form. The tube elongated itself, now becoming more like a bazooka than a pistol. "Perfect!"

'How do you think Malali will take this?'

"Oh Basis is sure she's used to things like this. They happen all the time, don't they?"

'I didn't realize you didn't live in my world, Basis.'

"Hey hey hey, it's silly time, get with the picture! Also, quiet. Other doesn't even help in these games. But prepare the trap cards anyways!" Falling from the sky, a deck of cards landed with a thud that equaled that of the crate. It was nearly time. The time was of the essence. The clock was ticking. Somebody was late. It's five o'clock somewhere. A time traveling musician just shot someone somewhere, Basis didn't know where but it HAD to have happened. What are the odds of it not happening?

"Yeah though, Where's Malali at? Basis is getting impatient." His foot was tapping, up down up down up down, the clicking sound could be heard through the whole stadium. "After all, she's the one who's supposed to give this place color." Basis leaned against the deck of trap cards and waited, his heart pounding slightly. He's never had an opponent in Blitz's Grand Theatre quite like this.

To duel!

She landed with a loud crash, lightning sparking around her feet. Malali looked up at Basis and stifled laughter though didn't refrain from showing a wide grin.

It was quite a way in the future from how most would conceive the Nightelf; she had spent a lot of time in Earth and had become an ally of the group known as Wisper, in spite of certain complications. "Hey, Blitz, give me a shotgun and the ammo types we discussed." As was requested, as it was made. In front of Malali landed something Arimus had designed long ago for her use; a Shotgun with small ammo clips that could be loaded together, allowing her to use it many times before it would need to be reloaded. The diversity of the ammo was a lot different to her arrows but, as of yet, they had yet to finish making it in the real world. In here, however, anything went.

"Is that all?" Basis asked, confusedly.

"Yeah. We'll see how it goes." The Nightelf replied with a cocky smile. She did, of course, still have Kaavel and the Firins. She took her bow away though, speaking of concerns that she might use one of her special arrows within the theatre due to how annoying her opponent could be.

"You know Basis can beat Malali even if she had one of those soul-devouring miniguns that uses tormented demons and evil souls as ammo, right?" As he finished such a weapon landed next to Malali. She smirked and shook her head, at which point it disappeared.

"No, Basis, you really wouldn't."

"Excuse... me? Do you know Basis?"

"What are you-"

"Where are you from?"

"Basis, I have no idea what-"

"What ain't no country Basis ever hear of, they speak English in What?"

"Seriously, I don't know what-"

"ENGLISH MALALI, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!"

The Nightelf stayed silent, trying to comprehend what was going on. In spite of many failed attempts in the past she still couldn't fathom the idea of giving up on understanding at least some of what Basis said.

"Say what again! Say it one more gosh darn time, I dare you, I double dare you, say what again." Finally it hit her.

"What?"

"What does Basis loo-"

"What? What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what?"

"Mala-"

"What?"

"Oka-"

"What?"

"What?"

"What country is Basis from?" Malali asked, after a few more rounds of what.

"What?"

"What ain't no country I ever heard of, they speak English in what?" Basis was stunned. He looked into Malali's eyes like a proud Mr. Miyagi; his little girl had all grown up.

"Touche."

"I thought you'd enjoy it. So, one question before we start; I know the rules for this place but are there any rules for the fight?

"Screw the rules, I have bubble wrap for armor!"

"AND NOW FOR MY FIRST TRICK, BASIS MUST PRESENT TO YOU, A CERTAIN QUALITY PRODUCTION BY MY GOOD FRIEND STEVEN TYLORIMAYBELYING." Basis yelled out loud. "For by simply placing yourself on the battl-"

"What?"

"Nonono, Basis and Malali are done with that now, there's no ne- SNEAK ATTACK!" Basis grabbed the first card on the deck and tossed it at Malali. The woman deftly dodged the card, but there was no escaping... the Rick Roll.


We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy

"Wh-what is this?" Malali yelled, trying to cover her ears.

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

"This is the power of the Rick Roll!" Basis yelled, laughing and dancing around some.

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

"Make it stop!" Malali screamed, as the horror of the card before her started dancing as well.

We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching, but
You're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it

Malali attacked the card, firing a little green bean bag at it. Her aim was spot on, but it didn't do a thing. The mere presence of little Rick Astley's big voice pulverized the little bean bag.

And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Basis fell to the ground, rolling in laughter at watching Malali's first time being Rick Rolled. The bubble wrap burst around his body, crushed by his weight.

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Now Malali was trying to reach for the card, but it danced right out of reach and transformed into Rick Astley himself! He started singing to Malali, telling her how he's never going to give her up.

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

(Oooooooh, Give you up)
(Oooooooh, Give you UP)
Never gonna give, never gonna give
(Give you up)
Never gonna give, never gonna give
(Give you up)

"Basis, remove this pipsqueak before I decide to go with the other gun!" She was getting pissed off now, and Basis found it hilarious.

We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching, but
You're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it

"Oh no, no, Basis knows it will end soon. This is icing on the cake!" Basis finally regained his composure. He knew he had started off hard, any act after this was going to be tough to follow. But he had something planned...

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

"HEY MALALI GUESS WHAT, BASIS'S'S'S CHARGIN' MAH LAZZZORR 4 MAXXXXIMUM HAXXORZ!" Getting down on one knee, Basis pulled the bazooka tube laser cannon over his shoulder and aimed. True to his word, a light appeared in the cardboard tube and intensified.

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Malali swiped at Rick Astley, but it was still not working. The little creep was dancing around her moves like Kayne West interrupts Tyler Swifts.

By that I mean he was dodging rather well.

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

"BASIS IS IS IS FIRERIN' MAH LAZZOR." Basis recoiled as the blast left the bazooka, but it was too late. Rick Astley was gone. Malali, now unthreatened by the Rick Roll, turned to Basis and fired. The bean bag sailed through the air, hitting him square in the chest. The ammunition hit him hard enough to knock the wind out of his chest, and the laser fired off course, harmlessly to the side.

"I was hoping to save that one until later but you just had to go and do it. Blitz warned me this might happen." Basis looked up from the floor, his head raised with intrigue. "I came prepared." From out of the beanbag which lay next to the child came a dog's head floating mystically in the air, surrounded by many colors.

"Kick her in the nuts," It said with a sweet voice. "And run!" Unable to resist the advice which came from the dog, the child sped towards the Nightelf. He smirked as he saw her weapon raised again before dodging two of its beanbag projectiles, the third hitting the child in the face. He used the force to his advantage and flipped back whilst jumping forwards, landing a solid kick to Malali's jaw. She fell back, the sounds of cheers ringing out as the two competitors lay with blooded faces, one having it gush from his nose and the other having a large cut across her cheek.

Malali looked around and saw the stadium filled with people, laughing and cheering as they observed the battle. From one of the three beanbags came another floating dog... no, this time a floating wolf's head. Shades of grey and black followed it like a cancer as it moved towards the Nightelf.

"He can't attack you," It began with ferocity. "If you're raping him!"

"Make love, not war," Again the Advice Dog chimed in. "But either way use protection!"

Whilst her opponent was recovering Malali fired another beanbag towards him. This time he managed to parry it with his tube cannon and, like the others, it opened. In place of it was a shotgun exactly like Malali was holding which fired another shot at Basis. It hit his armor with a ricochet of pops.

"Blitz put a shotgun in Malali's shotgun so she could shoot while she shot?" With anger Basis pulled another card and, in his hand, it turned into a rather large cake. He threw it towards her but, at the last second, it appeared that the cake was in fact a lie. It disappeared. Or so they thought.

It had merely teleported above her and was even bigger, landing with a rather chaotic crash. As the Nightelf emerged from the cake she saw around fifty young, Japanese men. Their hair was scruffy, they wore no shoes and only jeans with a white jumper, exact clones of one another. Their mouths watered as they saw the cake and, like zombies, they began heading towards it.

Taking out those who came close enough with the beanbags, Malali eventually escaped, leaving them to their crazed feast. As she reached safety another trap card was activated and the words 'Madness' echoed around the stadium.

"Madness?"

"This is madness!"

"Madness?"

"This is madness!"

Still covered in the chocolate sponge and frosting, Malali couldn't help but agree.

"MADNESS!?" Basis yelled, having appeared behind Malali."

'Oh dear god, don't.

"THIS... IS... CAKE TOWN!!!" As Malali turned, shotgun raised, Basis lifted his foot and kicked her into a pit that appeared in the ground behind her. Both fortunate and unfortunate, it was not a pit of doom. Rather, it was about three feet deep. However...

Basis pulled another card, dramatically glancing at it before meeting eyes with Malali. She scrambled to get up, another card another problem. Basis grinned, a bigger grin that he had grinned as if he hadn't grinned at... *bleep* it, let's just say what the card was.

"Malali, So i herd u liek mudkipz!" The card disappeared in a flash of light. Malali wasn't the one who was being covered in Mudkips, however, it was Basis! The Mudkips fell from the sky in a hailstorm of blue and orange, landing on the child and covering him. "ACK! HELP, HELP, I'M BEING REPRESSED!"

Malali smirked at this; his card had failed him. "Oh yes, let me help you." She said, walking up to the gaggle (like geese) of Mudkips (but with Mudkips). Maybe a Murder (like teh crows) of Mudkips. Yeah, it was a Murder of Mudkips. The Pokemon didn't seem to mind as Malali used them as stairs. At the top of the pile, she kicked away some of the Mudkips to see Basis squirming. "Any last words, child?"

"Yes!" Basis said with a grin.

"IT'S A TRAP!" Admiral Akbar flew past Malali's head, spouting out his line.

"All your base are belong to us!" Flew Cats, following after Akbar.

"You've activated Basis' other other other trap card!" The child struggled to free his hand from the Murder of Mudkips, but managed to do so in a timely manner. He lifted the card to reveal... The Dramatic Prairie Dog!

Duh duh DUHHHHHHHHH was the music that rang through the arena, causing the whole crowd to stop, watching on the suspense with a look of hushed intensity. As the last note played, the prairie dog appeared and spun around, the look of his dramatic pose knocking Malali off of her feet, sending her flying. Luckily for Basis, the Mudkips also flew away, straight into a volcano that disappeared straight after.

Apparently someone didn't like Mudkips very much.

The child rushed forward, striking at Malali with his cardboard tube. She caught the weapon with one hand, stopping it's momentum, and shook her head of the stars the prairie dog left her. Kicking Basis in his side, he sailed away from the force of it all, the popping of his armor nearly complete at this point.

"Well played, Malali, bu-"

"Now it's time for MY trap card!" Lifting up the card, it, too, disappeared. But nothing happened, as Basis opened his mouth to speak, his body was already in motion. His hands were forced above his head, and he danced back and forth uncontrollably.

"C-Caramelldansen!?"

"Caramelldansen." Malali smiled, letting out a deep breath. On the one hand she enjoyed the situation but, on the other, she was the last remaining Tyrnealylth; the last of an elite group whom had fought for peace, justice and honor. She couldn't spit on her past like this, though she let Basis dance a little more.

"Look, how about we start over, none of this stupid stuff, deal?" He tried to resist but couldn't, stuck in his dance.

"F-fine." The music stopped and the dancing stopped, at which point Malali sheathed the shotgun on her back, where her bow would have been. Now she held Kaavel, swinging it furiously toward Basis as the various L's finished the colossal cake and Courage Wolf chased Advice Dog around the arena. Seeing an opportunity, Basis showed his crossed fingers and activated another card. As Malali swung Kaavel she was parried by what seemed to be nothing, the words 'C-c-c-c-c-c-combo breaker!" Echoing around them. She struck again and, on then fourth hit, the act repeated itself. Sheathing the sword she pulled the shotgun into her arms again. It looked like she would have to take pride by the throat for this one.

"Hey Malali, ask Basis why we fight!"

"Why should I?" The Nightelf questioned, aiming her gun at his face. He held his arms out with a huge grin.

"Just ask."

On the one hand it would clearly lead to something, most likely stupid. On the other, she couldn't resist. Well, she could, clearly she could, but she didn't want to.

"Why do we fight?" Reaching into his armor he pulled out a pair of bubblewrap sunglasses and put them on slowly.

"lulz, dunno." A band the Nightelf didn't recognize appeared above Basis (She's from another freakin' world, why would she recognize them?) and with a banshee's scream an epic 'YYYYEEEEEEAAAHHH!!!!' hit her like a gust from a tornado. Malali tried to fight it but couldn't and was left with little other choice; she aimed the shotgun at her own face.

A beanbag fired and was absorbed into her jaw. Her chin opened up and, from it, a large, hairy knuckle flew out and with a single punch that took the unrecognizable (*bleep* you, she has a bad memory for names and couldn't exactly research it in such time, could she?) band out. As it retracted Basis was on her, pushing her to the floor. "I wish I could quit you!" He screamed, before throwing down another card next to her face.

This one horrified them both. Not one. Not two. Not three. Not A. Not B. Not C. Not D. But EFG, millions of them, stood surrounding them. Stick figures and V masks, all screaming troll as they ran loose. They quickly devoured the various L's.

"Make no sudden movements; don't let them know we're here." Basis appeared to be genuinely scared. After reloading her gun Malali saw the child pull out another card and throw it. It spun through the air, transforming mid-flight. Then the audio came with it.

"LEEEEEEEERROOOOOOYYY JEEEEEENKIIIIIINSSS!"

Out of nowhere, a band of World of Warcraft characters charged, attacking the various stick figures, but to no avail. Every single one of them were slaughtered with shouts of "Troll!" Both Malali and Basis stood stone still, but that was until Malali felt brave enough to reach for another card. Basis tensed, releasing a breath, but she seemed to go unnoticed by monstrosities around them. She glanced at the card and let out a breath of release. "I summon the Star Wars Kid!"

She flung the card high into the air, causing it to spin this way and that. A burst of light and the Star Wars Kid, complete with golf ball retriever, came into existence.

"Oh, the Force is strong with that one, Basis is jealous..." Basis spoke with an awed whisper. All of the V-masked stick figures converged on the lone Star Wars Kid, still not noticing Basis and Malali.

"And now!" She yelled, being free to continue their duel. "Giant Enemy Crab!" She tossed another card into the air, causing the said enemy crab, of the giant variety, to pop into existence.

"Ha! Basis knows how to deal with this, Basis will attack the weak spot FOR MASSIVE DAMAGE!" Basis laughed and got back down on one knee, charging his laser beam. The crab scuttled left, then scuttled right, then scuttled left, then scuttled right again. It was making slow progress, did he really even have to worry about it? "Basis has a card!" The child did, and he threw it up. In a moment, his hair turned yellow, his muscles buldged under his skin. His eyes turned blue (but he's blind! What's the point in that?!) and he stared at the crab, even though he still couldn't see.

Basis floated into the air as a giant yellow aura filled the area around his body. Two shocked warriors appeared.

"Ha, Vegeta, what does the scanner say about his power level?"

"It's- It's over NI-" Vegeta was quickly cut off by the crab snapping off his head. Everyone knows that Giant Enemy Crabs HATE Over Nine Thousand jokes. Nappa, of course, had the common sense to flee like a mofo out of that joint.

"Malali, your time has come! Come, to the Dark Side, or forever be without cookies!" Super Saiyan Basis removed a cookie from his bubble wrap armor, which was now tattered as hell (since no Saiyan can keep his clothes in one piece) and ate it. Just to prove his point. He tossed the cardboard tube aside and landed, setting his feet apart, one close to Malali and one away. His hands moved together to form a claw, and in it, a ball of blue energy appeared. "Kahe... maaaaaay, haaaa...."

It was time to pull a Goku.

From out of Malali's chin jumped a rough and rugged man, a man wearing ripped denim and not caring about it; Chuck Norris. "You think his fists were the only things in there?"

Laughing, Basis fired his attack. It ripped through not only the Giant Enemy Crab but it took out that *bleep* Chuck at the same time. He smiled, seeing nothing in the wake of his attack. "You thought Norris could actually stand my girth?"

"No," Said a new being who sat next to Basis playing his keyboard. "But he makes a nice distraction."

"And what, exactly, do you do?" The child asked, his hands on his hips.

"Me?" Tay replied. "I move away from the mic to breathe in!" With a laugh the chocolate pain headbutted Basis and, whilst he was off guard, Malali struck. She was wearing a large banana costume and holding two of the shotguns, firing what she could only describe as gunk at her foe.

"IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME, PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME, WHERE'Y'AT? WHERE'Y'AT? WHERE'Y'AT?" From one gun came the peanut butter and the other the jelly, both forming a sludge which held Basis and locked around him.

"THERE'Y'GO! THERE'Y'GO! THERE'Y'GO! THERE'Y'GO!" Basis sat in waiting as the substance hardened and Malali continued singing.

"DO THE PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY WITH A BASEBALL BAT!"

"Baseball... bat?" From behind Basis appeared a two people, one a young guy in a hat with a Baseball Bat and the other a large, russian... thing. The Scout began hitting the hardened snack whilst Heavy just tucked in.

"OM NOM NOM!"

Once he was free the two TF2's disappeared, as did his Saiyan powers.

"You're gonna lose." He stated.

"Oh, really?" Malali replied.

"Yeah, really!"

"O, rly?"

"Ye, rly!

"ORLY?"

"YARLY now stfu because even I'm too mature for that." Basis, now screaming maniacally, called upon the power of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. The Nightelf fired a beanbag into the floor, creating a small stairway. At the bottom of it stood a black cat, faded in the dark and it's glowing eyes the only truly visible detail. Basis threw a card into the sky and a white cat fell from it, landing on the ground with a sickening crack.

"FFS Blitz! THIS IS WHY I ASKED FOR A GODDAMN CEILING!" Now chanting Basis threw another card, this time hailing the words 'GET TO DA CHOPPA' and an army of predators. With the final special beanbag, this one labelled 'MAKE SURE TO USE', she fired at Basis. It opened mid-air and from it appeared a deformed creature. It had a ridiculous accent, stupid hair (tied in an even stupider bandana) and a T-shirt which read Limey-Man.

"My voice gives me super hair, in America!"

Basis stared, dumbfounded. "You're aware of how cheap and lame that is, right?"

"Screw being cool, I have a gaydar!"

Both factions charged.

Best. Duel. Ever.

Seriously. This duel. Its power is maximum.

Anyway. I suppose I should judge.

Both of you made an excellent use of pretty much every meme, parody, and parody of a parody to ever exist.
ALTHOUGH I NOTICED A DISTINCT LACK OF GHOST NAPPA, RUST!
Opportunity was there, but you didn't take it. And I was totally expecting you to do so.

A duel like this is difficult to judge since, let's face it, you guys screwed both the rules and the money. Both of you had minor grammar mistakes, but nothing critical.

So, with the normal means of judging thrown out the window, this duel shall be judged based on which posts produced more lulz.

And for me, that was...

Rust

Although in all honesty...both of you should win this incredibly epic duel.

I was going to try to judge this but when I read it, I found I was knocked flat by the sheer power of awesome.

Both duelists did so well that I honestly can't decide.

Tiger gets bonus points for summoning my daemonic minigun. But loses them again for killing ceiling cat. Unforgivable.

Alas, I honestly can't come to a decision. For me, it's a draw. Someone else get in here and choose!

Okay this duel is bizarre on so many levels, so definitely not going to take realism or even the laws of physics into account. But more importantly this duel had me cracking up the whole time, so good job for both of you on doing that. Anyway, now on to the judging.

The small army of predators, at least fifty, ran at Malali and the Bandit Triskura thing. They shot bullets and lasers and, when he prepared to defend them both, Malali held the abridged abridgement back. He stood in confusion as the projectiles flew and, just before reaching them, a huge wall of dark power disintegrated the bullets and lasers completely. It came accompanied with a loud meow. Reassured, Bandit Triskura ran over to the oncoming FSM.

"The shotgun wasn't the only thing Blitz changed for me." Malali smiled. Basis stood grinning as she pulled free the Firins and threw them in front of her. From one of the kama came around twenty snakes. On the Nightelf's mental request Basement Cat sucked the snakes into the ground and then launched them towards Basis before continuing its fight against the Predators; large spikes of black, dark energy impaling the alien creatures.

Covered in the snakes Basis stopped, dropped and rolled, the slithering creatures being crushed under the child's weight. As he stood up one of the snakes which managed to survive bit his ear. "I have had it with these mother*bleep*ing snakes on this mother*bleep*ing plane!.. of existence."

"You know that sucked, right?"

"... shut up."

Meanwhile to the side, the Flying Spaghetti Monster launched its noodly appendages at the YuGi-Oh parody's parody. He smiled evilly as he pulled out his gaydar, aiming it at it's foe. "Ancient Egyptian laser beams!" He roared before said beams of the laser variety met the spaghetti limbs, holding them back.

"Hi, Billy Mays here for OxiClean, the stain specialist. Powered by the air you breathe, activated by the water that you and I drink, it's mother nature approved..." Seeing what came out of his foe's other kama, Basis activated one of the few cards he had left.

"Hi, it's Vince with ShamWow, you'll be saying ShamWow every-time you use this towel, it's like a shammy, it's like a towel, it's like a sponge. A regular..."

"Hey!" Mays called from beside Malali. "You get the hell out of here, this is Billy Mays' turf! You better-"

"Ain't you dead binky boy?"

"No-one interrupts Billy Mays, you shut you whore mouth when Billy Mays is talking!"

"T-... troll?" The EFG's had become involved once again, cocking their heads at the sound of someone being told to shut their whore mouth. "Shut your whore mouth! No, you shut your whore mouth! No, you shut your whore mouth!" They echoed, running with the corpse of the Star Wars kid.

"It only takes two scoops of OxiClean to rip out your *bleep*ing throat!" The two infomercialists charged at each other.

"You'll say ShamWow when I mop you up and rinse you out!" Even Basis thought that one was lame.

When they grew closer Mays pulled out his secret weapon; Chipotle. As they collided he stuffed one down Vince's throat causing an immediate eruption in his pants. "Hi, Billy Mays here with another fantastic product! If you're like other Americans you love to eat Chipotle but you hate all those terrible blood stains in your underwear! Well now there's a product that can clean even blood stains caused by Chipotle right off your underwear; Chipotlaway! And you can have it if you admit Billy Mays just *bleep*ed you up!"

Slowly and weakly Vince crawled from the floor, most of his organs now in his underwear. "I don't... need Chipotlaway... I was wearing... ShamWow pants..." With a final moan he keeled over and died, at which point Mays charged at Basis.

"This won't end well for Billy Mays!" Basis shouted, pulling out another card. "I'm gonna kill it, WITH FIRE!" The card transformed into a flamethrower, materializing around the child. With glee he shot a stream of flames which slowly incinerated Mr. OxiClean. Discarding the flamethrower for now, he pulled another card. He looked into it and saw a girl... a rather pretty girl. She had black hair and wore black with a black background. He read the top, the name forcing memories he had pushed away into his head. Boxxy. He stood in contemplation for a short time. "... no. Even Basis doesn't want that." Casually he tore it and tossed it aside before throwing another, this one transforming into a makeshift group of people.

"Basis' Predators are falling to the floor kitty."

"They have my lightsaber!"

"They have my axe!"

"One does not simply walk into the Cat's Basement."

Agitated, Basis spoke again. "Just go *bleep*ing help them!"

In unison they replied, holding their toy guns and light-sabers. "Sir, yes sir! You can trust us, we're from the Internet!" As soon as they neared Basement Cat's stair case a gargantuan paw launched half of them into the air, flying into the distance as they screamed. "Looks like we're blasting off agaaaaaaain!"

As he felt his deck Basis found only two cards left. He drew the first one; Rule 34. Quickly Blitz took it out of existence, his voice chiming in. "That... that wasn't supposed to be there." Basis looked at the final card, this one being an actual YuGi-Oh card; The Change of Heart. It would allow the user to take control of one monster from the enemy's field.

However, Basis had a pen. He scribbled out and changed the writing on the card before launching it into the air. Suddenly, every single meme became loyal to him and turned on the Nightelf; The EFG's, the FSM, Bandit Triskura, the Predators, Basement Cat, those of the Internet and the animated corpses of everybody else.

"Malali knows it's insane to fight against Basis now, right?"

"Screw being sane, I-"

"SHUT UP! YOU'VE USED THAT JOKE TWICE ALREADY! TWICE! ONE TIME IS ENOUGH BUT YOU JUST HAD TO TAKE IT FURTHER! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"... have purple skin."

Slowly the group began advancing on her. She aimed the empty shotgun from her hip and nodded, at which point it changed and formed around her, much like Basis' flamethrower.

"Car... Carnifex Deum?" Basis asked in awe. The Nightelf smiled.

"Carnifex Deum."

"B-... but that's not a meme!"

"Not a meme, yet." In a style to make the Brotherhood of Steel proud Malali fired the mini-gun, hitting each and everything in sight. The EFG's were the first, then the Predators and their Internet mini-squad. Basement Cat, FSM and Triskura soon followed. Then, Basis.

Unexpectedly, however, no-one was killed. In fact, the bullets didn't echo the sounds of tortured souls. Gleefully, Malali used another ammo type. An ammo type she had used before.

Each of her enemies stood with their hands at their head, shaking their 'money makers' as the familiar tune of the Carameldansen echoed in Blitz' Grand Theatre.

"I think we can chalk this up as my victory, Child, and this time I'm not letting you go." The Nightelf chuckled, the mini-gun fading into nothingness. "Blitz, get me out of here."

"You want him left like that?" Blitz asked, laughing as he observed the horrified faces of Basis and his memes stuck in the loop.

"Well, you can let him out after a few hours... or a day." Smiling, Malali waved to her foe who foretold of how he would win next time and how he would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids.

Even stuck in the loop, Basis couldn't help but feel proud, so he tried to enjoy himself, plastering a huge smiled on his face like all the other memes did in the hopes that someone with artistic skills would read and make a small gif of such an event.

Malali sat with Emote and some of the children of Wisper, watching Basis whilst sharing a rather large tub of Ice-Cream.

Rocky Road flavored, of course.

Haha, nice. If that had been the REAL Carnifex Deum, I would have won this duel, despite not having taken part.