So I get a bunchload of white text, I get Nvidia, the 2K red thing, and a spinning record. Then the screen goes dark as if it's moving onto something. Instead, the screen flickers once, and I get "BioShock has caused an error and will now close." You know, the standard "we won't tell you what's wrong but it's something" Windows program error message.
I read something about the game crashing in menus because of the system lacking the proper version of DirectX and the proper Nvidia drivers, so I tracked both of those down. Other than that, I have no idea what would cause the game to just stop working before it even began.
Anyone had anything like this? Better yet, anyone have a solution?

I tried searching and the only reference I find to this problem says it is related to DX. Since you took care of that, I'm not sure what it could be. I recommend you contact Bioshock support (if you haven't already done so). Here is a link:

Click here

Aero

You may not have the proper hardware. BioShock requires a Video card that supports Shader Model 3.0, if your Video card doesn't support SM3 then the game will fail.

What kind of video card do you have?
To check,
-Go to Start>Run
-Type in dxdiag
-Go to the Display Tab
-Under Device, it should say Name. Thats your video card

I tried that page, but couldn't find anything other than the note about the game crashing in menus, which is what had lead me to download the proper DX version and NV driver.

As for the video card, it's a GeForce 5500 FX with 128MB RAM. That's what's inside, but as for what it's capable of, I couldn't say, other than the fact that the guy who gave me the computer said it wasn't too grand a card.

quote M_Y_K_E

I tried that page, but couldn't find anything other than the note about the game crashing in menus, which is what had lead me to download the proper DX version and NV driver.

As for the video card, it's a GeForce 5500 FX with 128MB RAM. That's what's inside, but as for what it's capable of, I couldn't say, other than the fact that the guy who gave me the computer said it wasn't too grand a card.

I knew it wasn't listed. I intended for you to contact tech support and ask for help. However, your video card is the issue. The minimum spec for the game is at least a 6600. Unfortunately, your card won't do the trick.

Aero