I ran down the candle lit streets as my father chased after me.

"Annie!" My father yelled as he ran after me.
I'm Annie, Annie Joe my mother was a pirate and was hung until dead 3 days after I was born, and my jack ass of a father told them that he had no idea that his wife was a pirate even though he was one himself. My father is an alcoholic who beats me when he wake him up from a nap or he's having a fit.

I ran into an alley way and hid behind 4 wooden boxes to ketch my breath. I'm sorry that I didn't really tell you what I looked like before. I have long red hair (Orange) with curls at the bottom of them, and I usually wear a brown dress which is really just a potato sack with a hole for my head, two other holes on the side for my arms, and the bottom is cut so I can run. and a scrap piece of brown leather I use as a belt so it may look a little bit fancy. and I have a little beauty mark on my cheek, and I wear my mothers old boots, My skin is very pale even though I live on an island, my eyes are dark green and I'm 5'1. Oh and I'm 13 I almost forgot to tell you my age.

I held my breath and covered my mouth as My father ran by the alley way.He didn't see me and I started to breath again and I uncovered my mouth and got up, I walked backwards just to see if he came back. I was scared and I was shivering. I hit someone in the back, It was a Pirate I screamed in terror until he covered my mouth and carried me away.





This message was edited by Animegurl on Jul 03 2009.

The Pirate carried me to a small house near the docks. and pushed inside and let go of me

"What Be Yer Name Young Wench?" He asked

"None of your *bleep*ing business old man!!" I yelled
He took out his gun and held it to my nose

"Now Tell Me" He replied

"I-Its Annie Joe" I replied In fear

"Argg that be a nice name yer a shrimp but your young I be guessing and your slim your sell for a lot" He told me

"Sell?" I replied as he went over to an old chest and took out a Bright red Dress with White Friles at the bottom it was the most beautiful dress I had ever seen, but he must have stolen it from someone when he destroyed a village I bet.

"Yar, Now put this Dressie On and Hurry on outside" He told me giving me the dress and then he left. I looked around for a door out but the only way out was the way in so I put my dress on and came outside. I was inside for 10 minutes and 4 ugly women were chained together and looked pretty sad. One has grey hair and a very long nose like a witch, you could see that she was missing 5 teeth and the rest of them were yellow and she has so many warts. The other was an obese blond who was crying. The other two were brown haired girls they must have been twins since they both looked the same, and both of them were blind in one eye and had warts and moles all over their faces and had grey teeth.

Another Pirate grabbed me and put a red hat on my head. I looked at a banner that was nailed on the little houses that said "AUCTION TODAY: BUY A WENCH FOR A BRIDE"
My eyes widened. I looked at the men that were in the market for a bride, they were all ugly and dirty pirates.

"This be Annie Joe, a little cutie with a little sass but easily Tamed Har Har Har" The Pirate who had kidnapped me told the crowd "The bidding will start at 20 gold pieces" Another Pirate said
"21 GOLD PEICES" Yelled one Pirate with many piercing in his face.
"47 GOLD PEICES!!!" Yelled another.

How the hell did this happen?!

Then a Pirate with braided hair and beading in his hair who was just walking by took a quick look at me and then sat down.

"100 GOLD PEICES!!" Yelled a man that was behind the other pirate who just sat down.
"600 GOLD PEICES AND 3 SILVER PEICES!!" He yelled getting up
"Going once...." The pirate who was holding me said

"Am I really going to be married to this man?" I thought to myself

"Going Twice"

"Am I really about to be engaged to a pirate?"

"SOLD!"

"I Am..." The last thought that went though my head.

Actually, if the number is more than 100, it can be written in numerals.

I looked through it and found a few things not mentioned. In the first post, when you introduce someone like this:

quote

There is Kristi my sister

Then it should be separated with a comma to look a bit cleaner and show who Kristi(or whoever you are naming) is. Here is an example featuring the previous with the right way:

quote

There is Kristi, my sister.

I saw no spelling errors at all until the part where he calls off the pieces. You wrote "peices", when it should really be "pieces".


And one more thing is a bit of grammar mistakes. Anyone makes them as grammar is the hard part of writing(to me at least). You need to be able to separate dialogue from people with periods or commas.


That's about all the other errors that I don't think Salvation mentioned. For comments, it is good to see a pirate story in the WL for once.

Thanks for the Tips and comments
for the past couple of nights I've been trying to think of were the story is going to go, and i did a few sketches of Annie Joe so if I find my camera I can post some pictures for some of the readers who want to see what she looks like



The man took his hat off and kissed my hand.

"Its a pleasure my dear" He introduced

"That be Six hundred gold pieces and three silver pieces" said the other pirate.

"Hmm" the man mumbled

"Captain Aaron James THE THIRD might I add, never said such a thing, I believe I said 6 pieces of gold and 1 silver piece" The man said.

"Dont be tellin no lies Matey! Liarsm burn in hell!!" yelled the pirate

"Then you'll burn in the bloody pits of hell and dance with the devil when you die I am Certain than?" I asked the pirate

Captain Aaron James the third laughed at the pirate.

"No ones makes a fool of me!!" The pirate yelled getting out his sword

"Not good" Captain Aaron James the third yelled. grabbing my arm and telling me to follow him, and as we approached a pirate ship. I sighed, I was sold to a complete idiot.

I forgot to tell you what he looked like.
His hair was dark brown and was long it went down to his shoulders. and his skin was light brown. He wore a leather vest over his puffy white shirt and leather pants, leather boots. He had a red pirate hat as well. He also had a British acquiescent

I got on bored with Captain Aaron James the third.


"STOP SLACKING AROUND YOU SERVY DOGS!!! CANT YOU SEE WE HAVE A LITTLE LADY HERE?!!!!" Yelled Captain Aaron

"By the way deary you can call me Captain Husband from now on" He insisted

"*bleep* you, you flat out rum drink son of bitch and above!!" I replied
he smiled

"I like this one, she has a pirates mouth! now all we need to do is get you out of this get up and into some real pirate clothes" Smiled Captain Aaron.

"Why does everyone treat me as though I'm a doll or something?" I replied.
I looked around at the crew who seemed to stare at me.
one man had short black hair and an eye patch. He had two swords with him, one had something written on it in another language. he had a black bandanna and wore a black coat and nothing on his chest. and he wore long black pants. He got me wondering

"Is he the real captain or something"

"Thats my best swords men Edman, he was a slave for half of his life then after he become a knight his hole kingdom burned to flames, now he's on my crew" Captain Aaron whispered in my ear while holding some rum.

another one had hair almost all over his face he was steering the ship.

"Harry the Hair man" Aaron told me as I glared at him.
"Sorry just thought you would like to know the names" Aaron replied.



This message was edited by Animegurl on Jun 29 2009.

Chapter three
Take This Key And Never Take It Off

I went into the captains quarters (Aarons Quarters) and changed into the "pirate clothes" Which was really just a puffy read shirt with big white dots, a purple and black shirt that had a shorter shirt sewed on top.

I left the captains quarters and I found out that Aaron is a peeping tom and was spying on me through the little window in the door

"You pervert" I sighed

"Well I am your husband!!" He yelled

"HUSBAND?! I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOU!!! NOT EVEN YOUR DAMN AGE!!" I yelled back

"Very well than...I was born in a log cabin in the land which is now called India!, I wanted to be a fruit vendor when I was very young but after being kidnapped by a pirate, also I'm 6'2 I'm deaf in one ear and I'm 24 years old" He told me
it was silent for a moment, it was kind award but then I used one of my witty replies!!

"Old man...your an old man" I whispered to him

"Whatever I have something for you" He replied back.

reaching into the pocket of his pants and took out a key that was pure gold with a small rubies going down the side of the key, it was attached to a small string. "Take this key, and never take it off" Captain Aaron told me. I nodded taking the key and putting it around my neck.

Aaron walked into the captains quarters. as I walked away I heard him scream
"THE RUM!! THE RUM IS GONE!!!!!"

I looked over at Edmen and saw him polishing his sword. I stared at him for a while until he realized I was staring at him, then he looked over at me with a confused look on his face. I blushed and looked away

"EDMEN! I KNEW IT YOUR AFTER MY MY...." Aaron yelled oping the door to the captains quarters
"Annie Joe" I reminded him
"YEAH! ANNIE JOE!!! YOUR TRYING TO STEAL MY ANNIE JOE AND MY RUM!!!" He Cried

Edmen glared at him then ran over with his sword to Aarons Neck.

"So its a game you want to play is it outsider HM?" Aaron asked.

Edmen was silent. Aaron grabbed a gun that was on the ground and they started fighting.
Everytime Aaron shot a bullet at Edmen, Edmen would cut it in half with his sword. He was so fast with his large sword! and Aaron was as fast as light with his gun and he never removed his face from the handle of the gun. I blinked for a secound then I heard Aaron yell.

"GOD *bleep*ING DAMN SHIT IT!!!, YOU CUT RIGHT THROUGHT MY LEG!!! WE DONT HAVE ANY MONEY TO REPLACE IT!! I BET NOW WHEN WE FIND TRESURE THE WOOD WILL BREAK AND I'M GOING TO FALL ON MY FACE!!!" Aaron yelled.

"Wood?" I asked

"I have a wooden leg" aaron replyed.

"You never even told me that" I replied

"Well should you know everything about me? I am Captain husband" Aaron laughed.

"Edmen would you mind GETTING YOUR BIG ASS SWORD OUT OF MY ANKLE?!" Aaron yelled

Edmen took his sword out of his ankle.

"Thanks Best friend!" Laughed Aaron punching Edmen in the arm.


This message was edited by Animegurl on Jun 28 2009.

this is really good.
i am impressed.
but i think you could you use more description.
also edmen sounds cute!
describe him more.

I think she has enough description. What parts aren't described enough?


Since this is a pirate story, it would be best to google the way they spoke and what words they used. You seem to be using the language we use today in modern times, which doesn't make a pirate story a pirate story.

quote Kimonio

I think she has enough description. What parts aren't described enough?


Since this is a pirate story, it would be best to google the way they spoke and what words they used. You seem to be using the language we use today in modern times, which doesn't make a pirate story a pirate story.

Arrr, this landlubber's hit the nail on the 'ead tharrrr.
CMON POLLY.

quote big_dreamerx3

this is really good.
i am impressed.
but i think you could you use more description.
also edmen sounds cute!
describe him more.

thanks for the Tip.
I have a hard time describing him since my pen pal said I could use a character from when she was a member on this site and wrote a story about edmen, and she sent me a drawing of what he looks like but its a little hard to describe. I'll try harder to describe what he looks like as the story goes on :3
oh and by the way I can do a "make-up character" sort-a-thing if you want, I can post a profiles of the current characters.

but today I cant update the chapters, because I'm going to anime land today! YAY! I'll be back tomorrow then I'll write a new chapter

I found a free pirate dictionary off of google so I'll try using that from now on but Annie Joe is supposed to talk like how we do today.


I opened my eyes. I saw 14 men sleeping on the ground and I was on a pirate ship. Wha--...Wait that's right, I got auctioned to that Idiot Aaron James. I groaned in annoyance. Then the door to the captains quarters swung open, Aaron was carrying 3 large bottles of rum with him, and he was naked.

"Time to wake up Ya scurvy DOGS!" Laughed Captain Aaron walking over to me.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOUR CLOTHES?!" I Yelled

"What is there something wrong with walking around nude? after all I am your captain and your husband" Aaron laughed handing me one of the bottles of rum.

"RUM RUM RUM!! <3" He sang. then he looked over at Edmen who was sleeing with his bandana ove his head. Aaron Slapped him on his cheek and yelled

"WAKE UP YOU SON OF A BISCUIT EATER!" (Another word for a Bastard child) He then handed him the other bottle of rum. and then he stared at him "Dont Ye ever Walk around In the Nude busict eater?" Aaron asked. Edmen started drinking the Rum and fixing his bandana. Its strange I saw something white sticking out of his head when he got slapped. And i've never even really seen his ears before either.

I threw the rum out at the Sea

"W-WHAT ARE YE DOIN WENCH?! THAT BE A FINE BOTTLE OF RUM!" Aaron Yelled.


"I'll drink rum when I wake up to see you wearing clothes on!" I yelled

Arrg...I should start hiddin' t' rum..." Aaron sighed going back to the captains quarters.

I sighed and looked at the sea, I could see an Island In the distance

"Edmen Look! Its Land!" I yelled to Edmen he ran over and looked at the island and took out a map and looked at a Map.

He looked over at me and pointed to the island that it was.
It said "Davy Jones Island".
I gasped

"LAND!!!" I yelled.

Then Captain Aaron popped out of the captain's quarters wearing the same thing as Edmen with out the eye patch.

"Well ye heard th' lass'! LETS GET OVER T' THAT ISLE, ARRR!! ALL HANDS ON DECK!" Yelled Aaron

Edmen tapped my shoulder and I turned over to him, He gave me one of his swords. The one that he never used around me.

"Are you sure?" I asked.
He nodded.

Then when we got close to the island Aaron, Edmen and me got in the life boat with two shovels, a map, and a compus.

Aaron was standing on the edge of the boat while me and Edmen rowed the hole way there.

"Annie Joe...Be Careful, Edmen If she dies...
I`LL KILL YE WI' ALL O' TH' DAMN RUM WE BE HAVIN', FER ALL WE KNOW SHE CAN COOK AN' CLIST AN' THEN I`LL NEVER BE HAVIN' T' WORRY ABOUT BILGE WATER LIKE THAT AGAIN SO YE`D BETTER WATCH OVER TH' LASS'!!!" Aaron yelled

"So thats the reason why you bid that high" I repiled.

We finally got to the Island. It had become Foggy and dark. It was so cold too I shivared at how cold it was I could see my breath as well.

We walked into the deep and dark forest, we didn't know what we find.

Aaron kept looking at the map. Then we stopped, There were so many tree's that were so close toughther that when I looked back I couldn't see any thing. But when I looked up I could see a small light.

"THE TRESURE!! ITS HERE! SON OF A BISCUIT EATER CHILD AN' FEMALE START DIGGING!!" Aaron yelled pointing to the ground.

Me and Edmen Dug for a very long time until I hit something, I squarted down and dusted the sand away and saw wood.

"WE FOUND IT!!" I yelled.

"YAHOOOOOO!!" Aaron yelled juming into the hole and picking me up. then he threw me in the air and I landed above ground and looked down the hole and I could only see that same white thing again from earlyer.
A few minutes later me and edmen were carring the chest back to the ship when we got back the ship was gone.

"Wheres the Ship?" I asked.

"Those damn bitch horker arse bilge water pissin' lad o' a mother!!!" Aaron Mumbled.





This message was edited by Animegurl on Jun 29 2009.

to be honest i think edmen and annie joe like each other.
sveet XD

"Are you sure that we came back the right way?" I asked Captain Aaron

"Hmmm....EDMEN! IS THAR ANYTHING ON TH' MAP O' A NEAR BY ISLE, ARRR?" Yelled

Edmen looked at the sky and then took out the map and looked at it as I put down the chest of treasure.
He shook his head yes.

"LEMMIE BE SEEIN' TH' DAMN MAP YE ASIAN SON OF A BISCUIT EATER!" Aaron yelled grabbing the map.

"Okay Annie Joe Th' Key!" Aaron told me walking over to me.

I was reaching for the key neckolis (I know i'm gonna get a comment on how to spell this) then he told me

"NO,NAY,NO! I mean this Key" Aaron told me grabbing me then kissing me on the lips.

Edmen looked a little angry at Aaron after that.

When we were rowing to shore...I mean me and Edmen were.

"Aaron I've read some stories about pirates being pirates because of a certain goal, whats your goal aaron?" I asked Aaron.


"The Queen Eliza...I want t' be th' Captain o' th' Queen Eliza! Its a beatiful Ship, 'Tis spake that th' Queen Eliza be made ou' o' Silver! an' everythin' be made ou' o' Dubloon an' Jems." Captain Aaron told me

" AND TH' REASON FER EDMEN BEING A PIRATE CUZ..." Aaron continued, then Edmen Wacked him with the rowing paddle in the head and he fell in the water.

"I can see you have your reasons and boundaries" I remarked
Then Aaron popped out of the water a few feet away from us,

"HEY WAIT FER ME!! I BE TH' CAPTAIN!!!" Yelled Aaron swimming back to the ship when we got to the island it turned out that it had a town. but it also had guards who wouldn't let us in.

"LET US THE *bleep* IN ASSWHORE!" I yelled at the male guard

"No" he replied

"I'll handle this Annie Joe" Aaron told me.

He got out his little Gun and held it to the mans throat

"Now why wont ye let us in?" Asked Aaron Nicely

"For one thin' th' likes o' shipmates be aloud in this town
Two, Seafarin' heartys that be soakin' wet like yersef aren`t aloud either" The man told Aaron as Aaron backed off.

Then the man looked at Edmen

"For one thin' th' likes o' shipmates be aloud in this town
Two, Seafarin' heartys that be soakin' wet like yersef aren`t aloud either" He yelled at Edmen

"What do you have Agaist him?! I can understand Aaron but Edmen isn't a vermin or whatever!" I yelled then the man took out a gun and Edmen put his hand on my shoulder from the back and I could tell that he said
"Its okay"

"But someone Pretty like yersef Be aloud miss" The man told us

"HELL NO! AND WHATS WITH ALL OF THESE OVER AGED MAN TRYING TO *bleep*ING *bleep* WITH ME?!" I yelled at the man

"Hey now Young lady, don't get so angry why don't ye jus' kiss me right here" The man said pointing to his cheek

"I'D RATHER DO THIS!" I yelled Smacking him on the cheek

He then Grabbed my arms and then I had a flashback of when my father would Hit me. The I heard a gun shot and awoke from my flash back I looked and Edmen who had his sword out but that was a gun sound so I looked over at Aaron who had his gun pointed at the man and smoke was coming out of the gun which ment he just fired at the man. The man Fell dead and let go of me.

"I told you from the start...Dont you Dare touch my Annie Joe" Aaron said

"Aaron...You talked in a non-pirate way and your not smiling like an idiot" I replied

"What be ye talk in' about? I always talk this way" Aaron Laughed smiling like an idiot again.

Aaron grabbed 3 pieces of wood that were on fire.
"Catch" Aaron told me and Edmen throwing one at Edmen and one at me.

"Now...RAID TH' TOWN AN' GET WHAT WE NEED!! HAHAHA!!" Aaron yelled.

This message was edited by Animegurl on Jul 03 2009.

wow Aaron is protective
aw =)