*Answering phone messages*

"PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE AFTER THE BEEP"

BEEEEEEP

November 2nd
Vince McMahon: Hey, it's Vince. When do you think you're gonna be back in action?

November 3rd
VM: Vince here, well - surgery tomorrow? How are you feeling?

November 4th:
VM: Actually you're probably in surgery, I'll ring back later.

November 4th
VM: Just ringing back to see how surgery went...

November 5th
VM: Just me... I got a new porno if you wanna come over and watch?

November 6th
VM: Me again, just wondering when you are gonna gimme a ring back.

November 8th
VM: Answering phone again, haha. I sure do pick the worst times to call. Gimme a call when you get this.

November 13th
VM: Have I upset you? Whatever I have done, I'm very sorry. If you tell me, I can make it better and we can work through this. Don't let this ruin us, John.

November 14th
VM: Oops, wrong number... John - you there?

November 19th
VM: *heavy breathing down the phone*

November 22nd
VM: Guess who?

November 23rd
VM: Just thinking about you, found a photo of us together.

December 2nd
VM: ... I miss you.

December 3rd
VM: Hunter was doing his usual tonight, telling me you are not over enough to be the WWE Champ. Just say the word and I'll have him fired. Steph too.

December 6th
VM: Wanna do anything tonight? Is Cloverfield out yet? I wouldn't mind seeing that. Bit scary though, you'll have to keep me safe, haha.

December 7th
VM: Just wondering have you been getting my messages?

December 10th
VM: Look I pay your wages if you don't pick up - I'll.. I'll fire you. I made you a star and I'll burn that star out, so help me god.

December 10th
VM: No John, I don't mean that, sorry. I just really really like you. Gimme a ring back, yeah?

December 14th
VM: Just had the best idea ever. For your comeback. How does this sound? John Cena Fu-ing: Chuck Norris, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone through a flaming table - on the Moon... Pretty damn good eh?

December 15th
VM: Just got off the phone with NASA they want $43 million for this Moon thing. You still up for it?

December 17th
VM: Your 'roids came in today, shall I drop them off later? I have to be in the neighbourhood for... something completely unrelated anyway.

December 21th
VM: Oh my God, guess who I forced to have sex with me today? Only Melina bloody Perez!!!!! Score.

December 24th
VM: *sobbing down the phone* - Why are you avoiding me? *more sobbing*

December 25th
VM: Little bit embarrassed about those tears last night, eh Merry Christmas, bud.

December 28th
VM: Talked to the Medical staff today at HQ. They said your arm should be fully healed soon. How about a surprise return at the Royal Rumble, where you can win it and then defeat Randy Pandy at WrestleMania for the title?

*picks up*

John Cena: No.











This message was edited by GabboUK on Aug 19 2008.

Archive

-THE COMEBACK!-
Segment 1: Answering Phone Messages
Segment 2: Cena and Vince Discuss Comeback Plans
Segment 3: WrestleMania 24 Preview
Segment 4: WrestleMania 24
Segment 5: Post WrestleMania Board Meeting [1/2]
Segment 6: Post WrestleMania Board Meeting [2/2]
Segment 7: RAW Preview
Segment 8: RAW [Week 1]
Segment 9: Draft Roundup
Segment 10: News and Rumours
Segment 11: Updated Rosters
-SMACKDOWN AND BEYOND-
Segment 12: Vince Calls John
Segment 13: Cena and Vince Go On a 'Date' [1/2]
Segment 14: Cena and Vince Go On a 'Date' [2/2]
Segment 15: Smackdown! Preview
Segment 16: Smackdown! [Week 1]
Segment 17: Vince McMahon does Stand-Up
Segment 18: Smackdown! Preview
Segment 19: Smackdown! [Week 2]
-THE WWE IS GOING TO ENGLAND!-
Segment 20: Cena, Vince and Triple H Share a Car to the Airport.
Segment 21: Airport Chaos [1/3]
Segment 22: Airport Chaos [2/3]

Royal Rumble - January 27th
No Way Out - February 17th
WrestleMania XXIV - March 30th
Backlash - April 27th
Judgement Day - May 18th
One Night Stand - June 1st
Vengeance - June 29th
Great American Bash - July 20th
Summerslam - August 17th
Unforgiven - September 7th
No Mercy - October 5th
Cyber Sunday - October 26th
Survivor Series -November 23rd
Armageddon- December 21st

John Cena and Vince McMahon are having dinner together in a restaurant.

Vince McMahon: Have a try of this... It's lovely

*Vince holds his fork out with some food on it for Cena*

John Cena: Uhh no? No. What's wrong with you?

VM: John, we need to discuss the comeback plan. I've always prided myself on knowing what the fans want, and that way I can give it to them.

JC: Do the fans want incest and necrophilia?

VM: I honestly believe they do. Anyway, the fans. Want. You. *Points at Cena* That's you. They want you as the WWE Champ.

JC: Vince, they hate me. I get boo-ed, I get 'you suck' chants. People spit at me in the streets. The gay jokes are lame. It's not what I want. Give the title to someone else for a change. Like HBK.

VM: Michaels couldn't lace your boots... He literally couldn't. Has a bad back, has trouble bending over. Probably never get back up again, if he bent over.

JC: ...Taken your pills today, Vince?

VM: I have. So what was wrong with the idea I pitched on the phone last night.

JC: I don't want another title run. I don't want this superman push. I'm already massively over, let me put other guys over.

VM: Like Triple H?

JC: Not Triple H, he's already over, like Kennedy and such.

VM: So what you're saying is... you want to end Ric Flairs career, to get you more over? Because it can be arranged.

JC: No. Give me a good feud for a while - that doesn't revolve around the title. Let me entertain the fans again. Turn me heel.

VM: John, I need you, no-one else can carry this company. Ratings are dropping faster than ex-superstars. Hunter is depushing anyone he fears. I can't argue with him or Steph. I need you, this company needs you.

JC: The company needs what the fans want, and they don't want me as Champion. I got pushed too fast. Look how that turned out with Lesnar or Masters. They became dicky and ungrateful.

VM: It worked well with Bobby Lashley.

JC: You know he quit the other day?

VM: Why didn't anyone tell me?

JC: They did, several people told you, you had numerous phone calls. Someone called you about 20 minutes ago and told you. We talked about it for 10 minutes after whilst eating dinner... You actually told me.

VM: Hmmm...

JC: Don't rush me back, I'm not 100% - It'll make the tear worse.

VM: Do you know who's funny? Bob Hope. *does a poor Bob Hope impression*

JC: Vince. I'll come back on my terms. Or not at all.

VM: You tell me what are they - and I'll make it happen.

....

*48 Minutes later*

John Cena carries Vince out of the restaurant. Vince is shouting and angry.

VM: I'M VINCE MCMAHON DAMNIT - I'LL HAVE SEX WITH WHATEVER I WANT.

Cena carries him off into the distance, with Vince drunkenly mumbling the words to 'Time of my life'.







This message was edited by GabboUK on Feb 16 2008.

Reserved for the worlds greatest wrestler.

This message was edited by GabboUK on Feb 16 2008.

lol, this is already an instant win. I can't wait to read the first segment.

quote

Can I do a quick Survey?

How would you like to see RAW?

• Just the John Cena match and or segments
  
• Entire Raw show in full
  
• Entire Raw show summarised (Like my Sd!vRaw Diary with Zhao.)
  
• The John Cena match and segments with quick match results at the bottom of the page.

BUMP for survey. Please. I'll make Cena good again.

quote GabboUK

quote

Can I do a quick Survey?

How would you like to see RAW?

• Just the John Cena match and or segments
  
• Entire Raw show in full
  
• Entire Raw show summarised (Like my Sd!vRaw Diary with Zhao.)
  
• The John Cena match and segments with quick match results at the bottom of the page.

Thanks.

Do that with the rest, but I say make Cena's in full and such.

-------------------

ZTR has more Profile Views than Slim Jim.

I agree with ztr, do the show summarised, but make the Cena parts in full.

This diary is great so far. I loved the first post with Vince's messages. Hilarious. Keep it up.

Much funnier then the other comedy diary in the forum

Seriously though, funny stuff. Keep it up, seems to be a good formula. As for the show, yeah, what everyone else said.

What everyone else said.

EXCEPT WDS.

Damn WDS, taking shots at other comedy dairies? But this is REALLY funny omg, the messages were hilarious.

The reason this is funnier than "the other" comedy diary is because Gabbo isn't trying too hard to be funny. It's all fairly natural and not completely ridiculous. Having some fat, useless commentator from a second-rate promotion scream "DEALS!" isn't funny once, and doesn't get even a little funnier the more it happens...

Oh, I thought he was referring to my diary. Well, I suppose im out of this then. Go The Death Of Vinnie Mac and Birth Of ECW!

Naww, I was talking about the shizznit that Slim basically described in his above post.

Still no names mentioned though =d