Coming up to the corkscrew, was a few boostpads. "lets get this show on the road" the pilot pulled back levers to activate boost absorb. the car started to glow over them. then made a massive screech and boosted through some of the pack. "Lucky break that. better keep it up!" the crimson machine swerved but it was too late. He had hit a mine and started to lose control. "argh better get control of this... Argh!" he had slamed into the wall. "simulation end!" Damnit! close that time. i gotta get better before i enter the grand prix!" he threw his helmet on the floor and turned off the lights...

A team of soldiers was heading in to stop the criminal mastermind Don Genie after his attempts of Taking over The G-DF company which had came up with a new technology which could make the machines even faster and more abilitys to the machines systems. "Ok. Ill go in through the left. Pico! go through the roof entrance and snipe the men outta the way!". as the team seperated, another crisis was along.

"Pah! who dares try steal the Neo Falcon! im going to get to the bottom of this right now before anything else happens! The grand prix is coming up soon so i better get it back. I might considering Retirement at this age of 40. well one thing before that happens is i get my neo falcon back!" Falcon opened his Garage doors."Hello old friend." he jumped in the Blue Falcon and flicked the power on button. then roared dwn into the outskirts of port town to track down the neo falcon.

"better get this shot right..." Pico aimed well at the mafia boss' guards."Argh!" one of the guards fell and triggered alarms and guards. nearby guards opened fire on pico. "Delta begin..." The rest of his team ran into the chairman room to capture Genie. A mass amount of guards charged in to surround delta team. Pico had mere seconds to save his team. he jumped off the roof flipping and spinning through the window and took out two laser rifles. "open fire!". he was gunned at but managed to paralyze some of the guards. then the rest of delta took care of the rest. "I will get my revenge in the grand prix just you watch!!"shouted the don as he was pulled out of the room."Argh my arm!" pico whined. he had broken it. Lets get this troop to med on the double!

"Well i better be getting this part Lisa! You know how long i been waiting for it! ill be back in a while!" The Fire Stingray raced off to the Canyon postal centre. "Well lookie who we have! Falcon! not seen you around here for a while! up for a beating?" shouted Goroh. "Im hunting a Rat. wasn't expecting to run into you." The blue falcon joined from an intersection. "some hello after 3 years! how about a friendly race and ill give you some info about your missing car?"asked goroh."How did you know about the Neo Falcon? You must be behind this! hand it back this instant!" demanded falcon " hey hey dont jump to conclusions! it wasn't me but if you want the info. Beat me! if not then give me location of your secret hideout!" Falcon accepted and the two racers boosted off to the course known only as multi jumps!

"I Better enter this race. if im to get some new parts for Crimson Flare, i better win... if not i wot be ready for the next grand prix." On the entry board, a new racer appeared on it...
END OF PART ONE(FEEDBACK NEEDED)


This message was edited by Rayquaza Luke on Dec 01 2004.

Just a quick couple of comments RL:
First, it's OK to multiple post to add content. You don't have to go back and keep editing.
Second, try to do more than 1 paragraph each time if you can. If you look at my fanfics, I often have the equivalent of 1-2 pages worth of text in each update. It's beter to go for quality over quantity here. Do you want me to go ahead and delete...actually, let me ask this: Would you rather just start over with the first part? I'd delete the first post but it'll remove the entire thread. Might work out better that way.

This message was merged with other messages by SummonerSupreme (moderator)

ok i sorted it out... next part later today

Sounds good. I'll clean up my earlier posts to help out. As the stories progress I'll try to squeeze links into my sig if space permits.

..."hah! what a newbie! his car looks like a wreck!" commented some of the veterans. "ill show you!" he shouted.
"Heh kid they giving you a hard time?" called neelsen. "Just want to prove myself into the grand prix! stupid fools over there think they are the top at this. arent you the legendary neelsen?"He wondered. "heh yeh kid! how about i help you out! show me your machine and ill give you some tips for yer race!" The two went to the Crimson Flare. "Ooo i see this is a old school machine. i love em! lt me take a look in ere and see if we have any problems here...Whats this? yer got this in the wrong place! go egt a drink and ill sort it out!" explained neelsen. "But!" He tried to say but got interupted. "as they used to say, dude get your butt over to that vending machine and grab a coke!" the old man shouted.

3...2...1...GO! the two machines blasted off down the track and swiftly Drifted around the 1st turn. They then took the 1st of the many jumps on the track. "Yeeha! havent taken much excitement lately, This should be great!" shouted goroh. The Ships turned the next turn. "Goroh i believe this will be great indeed." said Falcon. THe pilots pulled back the jump controls and the noses of the machines pointed down. "Yeeha!" they hit a boost plate, jumped again then came up to a bigger jump. "This will be great! havent had this much speed in quite a while!" said Falcon. They then went around the last 2 turns in for the finishing stretches.they hit the pit strip to restore the ships energy and blasted through the finishing line. "You got boost power!"

Pico had woken up after his rest. "aowwwww! my arm stings." The captain walked in."you did a great job back there soldier! for your brave efforts throughout the whole campaigne, you will get promoted to vice captain! you've earnt your stripes!"he explained. "Ok. i guess ill help out some more before we leave for porpito."Pico replied."no you you wont soldier! we got something better instore for you..."
More later

"well that should do it youngster! give the switch a flick!"
The machine was Turned on and the hover systems began. "Its all better indeed old timer! Thanks for the boosting mechs!"
The crimson machine turned up to the grid...
(leave this how it is i cant think of ideas...)