WANDERING WARRIOR COMPLETES WORLD TOUR:

The wandering Streetfighter known only as Ryu has finally completed his quest to travel the world on foot today, 10 years after beginning. While circumventing the globe barefoot has been done before, Ryu was born with a rare genetic condition which means he can only walk backwards or forwards in a dead straight line. This led to some rather difficult navigation, as English housewife Diedre Summers can attest:

"He came banging at the door in t'middle of t'night." Diedre told our reporter yesterday "Said our house were in his way. When My Frank asked him what he were doing, knocking on t'door, dead o' night, wearing nowt but his pyjamas, he blasted Frank wi' a mighty Wave Punch. Eeh, Chi energy were all over t'place."

After other misadventures, including spending several months bludgeoning his way through the Great Wall Of China (Leaving a hole visible from space), Ryu was arrested for Jaywalking on the Los Angeles freeway.
"We seen the guy wandering up the middle of a four lane highway, so we went to take him in." Said Police Captian Callaghan last week "We thought a couple of generic highway patrol officers would be enough to stop him. Boy, were we wrong." It eventually took an entire SWAT team and several burnt out, triggerhappy, borderline-suicidal Undercover detectives to subdue him.

Ryu was released on bail, paid for by his old friend karate Champ Ken Masters, only to be re-arrested hours later, when police found him down at the docks, punching and kicking a parked car in an apparent attempt to destroy it. "The guy's a nut." Arresting officer Thomas O' Malley recalls "we found him punching away at that damn car til his hands were all bloodied up. Then He just stood there with his arms crossed, staring off into the distance." Ryu tried to explain to the officers that this was part of his sponsorship deal: In addition to the vehicle he was twatting, there was a room full of wooden barrels and some oil drums in Russia he also had to break. They arrested him on the spot "Even when we got him in the car, he wouldn't shut up," O' Malley told us "Just kept muttering 'You must defeat Sheng Long to stand a chance', over and over, as if it was the only thing he could think of to say. Weird, I tell ya. And I seen all sorts of sh*t."

After several other incidents, Ryu finally arrived back in Tokyo yesterday, but shunned the congratulatory ceremony, which would have seen him being handed a giant novelty cheque by the Emperor of Japan, instead choosing to walk off down a tree-lined avenue.

Ryu's current whereabouts are unknown.

This message was edited by Wile E Daigo on Jun 30 2004.

quote Wile E Daigo

WANDERING WARRIOR COMPLETES WORLD TOUR:

The wandering Streetfighter known only as Ryu has finally completed his quest to travel the world on foot today, 10 years after beginning. While circumventing the globe barefoot has been done before, Ryu was born with a rare genetic condition which means he can only walk backwards or forwards in a dead straight line. This led to some rather difficult navigation, as English housewife Diedre Summers can attest:

"He came banging at the door in t'middle of t'night." Diedre told our reporter yesterday "Said our house were in his way. When My Frank asked him what he were doing, knocking on t'door, dead o' night, wearing nowt but his pyjamas, he blasted Frank wi' a mighty Wave Punch. Eeh, Chi energy were all over t'place."

After other misadventures, including spending several months bludgeoning his way through the Great Wall Of China (Leaving a hole visible from space), Ryu was arrested for Jaywalking on the Los Angeles freeway.
"We seen the guy wandering up the middle of a four lane highway, so we went to take him in." Said Police Captian Callaghan last week "We thought a couple of generic highway patrol officers would be enough to stop him. Boy, were we wrong." It eventually took an entire SWAT team and several burnt out, triggerhappy, borderline-suicidal Undercover detectives to subdue him.

Ryu was released on bail, paid for by his old friend karate Champ Ken Masters, only to be re-arrested hours later, when police found him down at the docks, punching and kicking a parked car in an apparent attempt to destroy it. "The guy's a nut." Arresting officer Thomas O' Malley recalls "we found him punching away at that damn car til his hands were all bloodied up. Then He just stood there with his arms crossed, staring off into the distance." Ryu tried to explain to the officers that this was part of his sponsorship deal: In addition to the vehicle he was twatting, there was a room full of wooden barrels and some oil drums in Russia he also had to break. They arrested him on the spot "Even when we got him in the car, he wouldn't shut up," O' Malley told us "Just kept muttering 'You must defeat Sheng Long to stand a chance', over and over, as if it was the only thing he could think of to say. Weird, I tell ya. And I seen all sorts of sh*t."

After several other incidents, Ryu finally arrived back in Tokyo yesterday, but shunned the congratulatory ceremony, which would have seen him being handed a giant novelty cheque by the Emperor of Japan, instead choosing to walk off down a tree-lined avenue.

Ryu's current whereabouts are unknown.

Hahaha, that's funny, where did you get that or was that your own creation? I would love to see one for E honda!

All mine. I'll try and do one for other characters too, as I get the time!

quote Wile E Daigo

All mine. I'll try and do one for other characters too, as I get the time!

Cool! You have a wicked sense of humour! Yeah do some more for E Honda Ken and maybe Balrog!

BALROG: A RETROSPECTIVE

The Man they call Balrog originally saw his career take off when he paraglided into a World Championship match and pulverized every member of both camps singlehandedly. He then declared himself World Boxing Champion by default, a claim only slightly hampered by the fact that he'd landed in the wrong arena and demolished two all-star Curling teams by mistake.

Balrog's first experience of real boxing came soon afterwards though, when he trounced "Enema" Evans for the Interstate railway championship. Critics were scathing however, citing Evans low work rate and smack habit as possible contributing factors. Undaunted, Balrog was on a roll, and in no time, had beaten Hammerhead Zed for the World Title belt. But again, allegations of match fixing and corruption soured the victory, with some claiming Zed's untimely death of Adult Onset Leukemia in the second round, (which had previously gone undiagnosed)was a coincidence too far.

Balrog then left the ring and spent the next several years rapping in an appaling way on several novelty "tunes", released by record mongrel, er, mogul, DeeJay, (a man from Jamaica who sounded like he was from South Central LA) and making appearances on several late night "Adult" TV stations as a typically clueless presenter.

While he was never to regain the form that took him from the gutter to the heights of fame, Balrog will be forever remembered as the innovator of the "Las Vegas Stance" Boxing style, which consists of running blindly headfirst into whatever offence an opponent chooses to throw at you, like a right flippin twat.

quote Wile E Daigo

BALROG: A RETROSPECTIVE

The Man they call Balrog originally saw his career take off when he paraglided into a World Championship match and pulverized every member of both camps singlehandedly. He then declared himself World Boxing Champion by default, a claim only slightly hampered by the fact that he'd landed in the wrong arena and demolished two all-star Curling teams by mistake.

Balrog's first experience of real boxing came soon afterwards though, when he trounced "Enema" Evans for the Interstate railway championship. Critics were scathing however, citing Evans low work rate and smack habit as possible contributing factors. Undaunted, Balrog was on a roll, and in no time, had beaten Hammerhead Zed for the World Title belt. But again, allegations of match fixing and corruption soured the victory, with some claiming Zed's untimely death of Adult Onset Leukemia in the second round, (which had previously gone undiagnosed)was a coincidence too far.

Balrog then left the ring and spent the next several years rapping in an appaling way on several novelty "tunes", released by record mongrel, er, mogul, DeeJay, (a man from Jamaica who sounded like he was from South Central LA) and making appearances on several late night "Adult" TV stations as a typically clueless presenter.

While he was never to regain the form that took him from the gutter to the heights of fame, Balrog will be forever remembered as the innovator of the "Las Vegas Stance" Boxing style, which consists of running blindly headfirst into whatever offence an opponent chooses to throw at you, like a right flippin twat.

LOL, love it! Balrog is probably the most "dumbest" street fighter and that story fits perfectly. That was cool, I particularly liked Ryu's one though, had me in stiches!

Could you do one for E Honda, I love to hear some Winscounsin Truck Driver jokes and make it as over the top as you can, because that's how I'd imagine E Honda to be!

Fake Sumo Drowns in Bathtub!


Investigations into the death of Edmond Honda, Former Yokozuna and National Hero in Japan, have uncovered evidence that The man found dead in a Tokyo bathhouse last week was...an imposter!!

Police believe that The real Honda was replaced by this body double at some time during the mid 90's, possibly after the original Sumo Champion was either abducted by extraterrestrials, or died of syphilis. To avoid the shame and scandal of his disappearance, American truck driver Beaver Clarendon, from Wiconsin, was hired to replace Honda on some Prisoner of Zenda type shit.

This may have led to Honda's increasingly erratic behaviour in the latter part of the decade. Suspicions were first raised when He was invited to be an ambassador for Japan during a diplomatic visit in 1996. After claiming he had "forgotten" how to speak Japanese, Honda turned up at the ceremony drunk, in an off road 4 by 4, carrying a crate of beer. He then proceeded to spray the Emperor of Japan and several foreign diplomats with Budweiser, before asking the Emperor's wife to get her "T*ts" out. While this incident was later blamed on ill health by his PA, It was not the last time Honda would cause uproar amongst the conservative Japanese Jetset.

An appearance on Ready, Steady, Wok, the prime-time cookery show, led to a national outcry when Honda vomited live on-air, all over host Kaneda Takaro, after being given a Rice ball to eat. He was also heard to remark:
"Goddamn Japs!...Don't eat nothin but Raw fish and rice...Someone get me a goddamn burger, will ya?" when he thought his radio mic was turned off.

But perhaps the most telling hint to Honda's real identity comes from one of his former students, Hideo Nomo, who trained at his Sumo school from 1997 onwards.
"He didn't actually teach us much about Sumo," Hideo told us through a translator "Most of our lessons revolved around drinking, picking up hookers and playing old American country spirituals on acoustic guitar."
When one student asked Honda-san if they were ever going to be taught any actual fighting skills, He was told "Just kick em in the balls kid. Works every time. And if it don't, just shoot em all and let god sort em out. Assholes."

Honda/Clarendon was found drowned in his infamous "perpetually overflowing" bathtub in a spa in Tokyo last week. The cause of death was given as drowning aggravated by extreme obesity.

quote Wile E Daigo

Fake Sumo Drowns in Bathtub!


Investigations into the death of Edmond Honda, Former Yokozuna and National Hero in Japan, have uncovered evidence that The man found dead in a Tokyo bathhouse last week was...an imposter!!

Police believe that The real Honda was replaced by this body double at some time during the mid 90's, possibly after the original Sumo Champion was either abducted by extraterrestrials, or died of syphilis. To avoid the shame and scandal of his disappearance, American truck driver Beaver Clarendon, from Wiconsin, was hired to replace Honda on some Prisoner of Zenda type shit.

This may have led to Honda's increasingly erratic behaviour in the latter part of the decade. Suspicions were first raised when He was invited to be an ambassador for Japan during a diplomatic visit in 1996. After claiming he had "forgotten" how to speak Japanese, Honda turned up at the ceremony drunk, in an off road 4 by 4, carrying a crate of beer. He then proceeded to spray the Emperor of Japan and several foreign diplomats with Budweiser, before asking the Emperor's wife to get her "T*ts" out. While this incident was later blamed on ill health by his PA, It was not the last time Honda would cause uproar amongst the conservative Japanese Jetset.

An appearance on Ready, Steady, Wok, the prime-time cookery show, led to a national outcry when Honda vomited live on-air, all over host Kaneda Takaro, after being given a Rice ball to eat. He was also heard to remark:
"Goddamn Japs!...Don't eat nothin but Raw fish and rice...Someone get me a goddamn burger, will ya?" when he thought his radio mic was turned off.

But perhaps the most telling hint to Honda's real identity comes from one of his former students, Hideo Nomo, who trained at his Sumo school from 1997 onwards.
"He didn't actually teach us much about Sumo," Hideo told us through a translator "Most of our lessons revolved around drinking, picking up hookers and playing old American country spirituals on acoustic guitar."
When one student asked Honda-san if they were ever going to be taught any actual fighting skills, He was told "Just kick em in the balls kid. Works every time. And if it don't, just shoot em all and let god sort em out. Assholes."

Honda/Clarendon was found drowned in his infamous "perpetually overflowing" bathtub in a spa in Tokyo last week. The cause of death was given as drowning aggravated by extreme obesity.

Hahahaha, ah stop it, you're killing me. OK, that beats Ryu hands down for laughs!

Hmmm what about Chun-Li next?

International Incident!!!

A leaked report yesterday claimed that the war on Iraq might have been averted, if not for the incompetence of two international diplomats. These agents were sent into Baghdad ahead of the invading allied forces, to try and draw Saddam out of hiding. Unfortunately, all the regular diplomatic staff were out on a pub crawl following yet another English sporting defeat, so interpol had no choice but to send in a 40 year old American Colonel suffering from Gender indifference Syndrome and Battlefield flashbacks; and a Chinese citizen claiming to be a KungFu expert and police detective (despite the fact that she was 19 years old and still enrolled in college). These Agents, William Guile and a Miss Chun Li, were Air dropped into the Iraqi capital a week before allied forces were due to attack.


They almost immediately ran into trouble, partly because of the police state enforced in the country at that time but mostly because of Colonel Guile's insistence that neither of them carry weapons. At a press conference before the mission, he claimed: "We never had any of these new-fangled 'guns' when I joined the army! Never needed 'em! In my day it was all about being a man!"
When one reporter questioned the involvement of Miss Li in the mission, Guile responded:
"That Chun Li's a hell of a guy! I'll need a real man to back me up in that Cambodian Hell hole, and he's got the balls enough to do it!"
When it was pointed out to Guile that he was in fact going to Iraq, not Cambodia, he broke down in tears of rage, screaming: "Charlie! I'll get revenge for what they did to you brother! I love you man!"
When it was pointed out to Guile (By our intrepid reporter, Samantha Simmons) that Charlie was not dead; had fought alongside him in all the Streetfighter tournaments except one and was in fact standing right next to him at the podium, (and furthermore, that this was in fact a press conference announcing a new type of training shoe from Reebok; not to announce the mission, as military spying missions are usually kept top secret), Guile Sneered: "Think I don't know that? Kiss my ass....Samantha. Samantha! What kind of name is that for a man, tough guy?! You one of them fruity bohemian boys or something?" Before storming off in a huff.


Questions also arose regarding Miss Li's credentials, when it was revealed that her claims of being a 19-year-old police detective were quite possibly a load of 'bollocks', according to one source, Police Captain Ping Yu Chen:
"She certainly wasn't on the force. She just used to hang around the station house wearing a revealing dress, 4 inch stilettos and Spiky bracelets. We actually had her brought into the cells a few times because we thought she was a prostitute. Unfortunately, she wasn't." Captain Chen revealed, before reflecting to us at length about the size of Miss Li's breasts and showing us a carefully written list of things he would like to do with them.

Her boasts of being a KungFu Expert were also revealed as fake by fellow college student Shao Pei. Mr. Pei told us: "An expert in Kung Fu? Well, I think she owned a 'Karate kid' box set...She went to a few step classes now and then...But that was it!" Mr. Pei then went on to reflect lovingly on Miss Li's muscular thighs and firm, pliant buttocks before revealing a carefully written list of Karate Kid memorabilia he himself owned.


The two agents dropped into Iraq were court marshaled and extradited back to America after they almost immediately abandoned their mission and checked into the Baghdad Supersaver Motel for a week of passion. Speaking to reporters on his return, Colonel Guile told us: "I've fallen head over heels for Chun Li. You can say that makes me a homosexual if you want, but I don't care: I love that man."



This message was edited by Wile E Daigo on Jun 30 2004.

quote Wile E Daigo

International Incident!!!

A leaked report yesterday claimed that the war on Iraq might have been averted, if not for the incompetence of two international diplomats. These agents were sent into Baghdad ahead of the invading allied forces, to try and draw Saddam out of hiding. Unfortunately, all the regular diplomatic staff were out on a pub crawl following yet another English sporting defeat, so interpol had no choice but to send in a 40 year old American Colonel suffering from Gender indifference Syndrome and Battlefield flashbacks; and a Chinese citizen claiming to be a KungFu expert and police detective (despite the fact that she was 19 years old and still enrolled in college). These Agents, William Guile and a Miss Chun Li, were Air dropped into the Iraqi capital a week before allied forces were due to attack.


They almost immediately ran into trouble, partly because of the police state enforced in the country at that time but mostly because of Colonel Guile's insistence that neither of them carry weapons. At a press conference before the mission, he claimed: "We never had any of these new-fangled 'guns' when I joined the army! Never needed 'em! In my day it was all about being a man!"
When one reporter questioned the involvement of Miss Li in the mission, Guile responded:
"That Chun Li's a hell of a guy! I'll need a real man to back me up in that Cambodian Hell hole, and he's got the balls enough to do it!"
When it was pointed out to Guile that he was in fact going to Iraq, not Cambodia, he broke down in tears of rage, screaming: "Charlie! I'll get revenge for what they did to you brother! I love you man!"
When it was pointed out to Guile (By our intrepid reporter, Samantha Simmons) that Charlie was not dead; had fought alongside him in all the Streetfighter tournaments except one and was in fact standing right next to him at the podium, (and furthermore, that this was in fact a press conference announcing a new type of training shoe from Reebok; not to announce the mission, as military spying missions are usually kept top secret), Guile Sneered: "Think I don't know that? Kiss my ass....Samantha. Samantha! What kind of name is that for a man, tough guy?! You one of them fruity bohemian boys or something?" Before storming off in a huff.


Questions also arose regarding Miss Li's credentials, when it was revealed that her claims of being a 19-year-old police detective were quite possibly a load of 'bollocks', according to one source, Police Captain Ping Yu Chen:
"She certainly wasn't on the force. She just used to hang around the station house wearing a revealing dress, 4 inch stilettos and Spiky bracelets. We actually had her brought into the cells a few times because we thought she was a prostitute. Unfortunately, she wasn't." Captain Chen revealed, before reflecting to us at length about the size of Miss Li's breasts and showing us a carefully written list of things he would like to do with them.

Her boasts of being a KungFu Expert were also revealed as fake by fellow college student Shao Pei. Mr. Pei told us: "An expert in Kung Fu? Well, I think she owned a 'Karate kid' box set...She went to a few step classes now and then...But that was it!" Mr. Pei then went on to reflect lovingly on Miss Li's muscular thighs and firm, pliant buttocks before revealing a carefully written list of Karate Kid memorabilia he himself owned.


The two agents dropped into Iraq were court marshaled and extradited back to America after they almost immediately abandoned their mission and checked into the Baghdad Supersaver Motel for a week of passion. Speaking to reporters on his return, Colonel Guile told us: "I've fallen head over heels for Chun Li. You can say that makes me a homosexual if you want, but I don't care: I love that man."



This message was edited by Wile E Daigo on Jun 30 2004.

HAHAHA, Stop it, you're killing me! Guile having h******l tendecies? I love it! Chun-Li as a "s** symbol", it had to happen!

OK, hmmmm I think you should do Ken next! Obviously overplay that HUGE ego of his to full comic capacity. Go for something scandalous maybe involving Cammy or his missus in b** with Charlie or something!


This message was edited by kobolt19 on Jul 04 2004.

ROFLMAO Jesus Christ. You needa open up a website man! I'd like to see Ken Masters get his just desserts.