Jerk Store

I want to eet sum frozun yogurt.

It was a chilly morning on the day of October the 16th, 1990. An imminent chill in the air would suggest that the uprising of a newer, greater, more advanced being was to be taking place. The Gods heard the cries of the people of America, satisfying their need for a new citizen, or deity, to overtake the role as the "Symbolic Icon of Murphy's Law".

Their cry was indeed heard, and on that day, Jerk Store (AKA Collin) was born a God.

The Gods were pleased with their newest addition. The creation was immediately put to the test, overcoming the obstacles of good fortune and karma. The theory of karma itself was disproved by the very existence of this being!

It was then decided by the Gods that their new addition would go into the world below them and become one with their people.

And on that day, Collin was born a mere mortal. However, his Godly traits followed him into the womb as his mother painstakingly laid there, drugged, and received a Cesarean Section so that the little boy would not have to be pushed out. He was far too manly and Godly for such a natural birth.

So it began. The life of a deity. Let us explore his childhood progression into the handsome man that he is now.

Being one of the few white children in his neighborhood, Collin was often discriminated against and bullied by the older kids. There was a young woman named Collette (I'm not lying) who was a real bitch. She would often tease Collin and hurt his feelings. Eventually the abuse went from verbal to physical. She would beat him up and then roll him down the hill into a pile of leaves, and then pull his pants down, revealing embarrassing sesame street underwear! Oh no! How will our hero prevail through such horrific times?! Find out, in the next paragraph!

Here it is, the next paragraph! Slowly and surely, the older kids eventually became more mature, or moved out of the neighborhood. Collin and his gang of hoodlums soon ruled the streets, riding around on their BMX bikes with cards taped to the seat so that they made "motorcycle noises". An elite team of super 10 year olds were the most street kids you could find in any neighborhood. At this point, Collin didn't take shit from anyone. A kid stole his Pokemon: Blue Version gameboy game. What did our protagonist do about it? He punched that kid in the face and fought him to the ground until he got it back. The Gods above cheered him on as he triumphantly held his game in the air, kinda like Ash Ketchum did when he got a new Pokemon.

Not done.