Wolf of Light

I'm interested in whatever the hell I'm interested in. I dunno, music and books and friends. Yeah. That stuff.

I felt something stir within me, something primal, and it couldn't get out. Not because the world couldn't handle it, but because it wouldn't be able to handle the world. It would run in, bellowing a challenge, and it'd wind up dead, a valiant hunter killed by realism and a knife. I was a raging beast in the body of a stupid man-child, a primal creature designed to run only on visceral instinct, and yet there I stood in my very human, very aware, very weak body.

The hero I had always imagined myself as was replaced by an ordinary man in a world of ordinary men, doing ordinary things. There were no damsels I could save, partly for lack of damsels to save and partly for lack of ability to save them. No one needs a mighty warrior who is always mindful of the risks and rewards. Hell, these days, no-one needs a mighty warrior.

So I shut the door on what I'd wanted my whole life because I knew, I just knew, that I could never have it. I threw love to the wind, and set out to whore and lie and rut. I left dreams of adventure and heroism in the ditch, and went to sit around and do nothing in a myriad of different ways for the next 60 years. I cast aside my notions of honour and comradeship and loyalty because no-one gave a shit anyway- valuing friends wasn't cool. I had been dreaming my way out of reality, and now I was fired violently back into it. I was a number, a consumer, a teenager, a god-damned label like everyone else. I didn't even have the balls to be a non-conformist conformist, I was just some guy, standing around doing nothing that meant nothing to no-one in a big vat of nothing. The letter N is a horrendous one.

So that's my life plan, really. Do what ever the hell people do in these shitty times. Be an inconsequential, a dot, a speck of dust. I'll never save anyone's life, I'll never fight off "evil", I'll never get to go on that god-damned adventure. I'll be here if you need me. I'll be here if you don't, too.