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------------------------------------------------ So one day Eve is sitting under the tree & then The Snake comes along, this is all in Genesis 3 (). "Now the snake was the most cunning animal that the Lord God had made..." Really? I don't think snakes ever, started fires, or invented wheels, or wrote Shakespeare, or composed Mozart, or built Babylon, Rome or New York, but... hey it's the Bible, it can't be wrong, right? Right? Anyway moving on, "The snake asked the woman..." Oh, so the snake can even talk? Wow. Eden's one *bleep*ed up garden. Well, OK, moving on, "The snake asked the woman, "Did God really tell you not to eat fruit from any tree in the garden?" The snake can speak English too. That's really convenient for us. Speaking's enough, but OUR language? Man, God is great. Well, you won't think so after you hear this. Basically Eve replies, no we can take any fruit except for the ones on THAT tree, the Tree of Knowledge, or else we'll die. I mean, isn't that a little harsh? Killing them for eating from fruit from a particular tree? Anyway, the snake tells them, something along the lines of, no you won't, you'll just become smart, you'll learn the difference between good & evil. Eve sees the fruit, it looks tasty, she eats it, gives some to her husband, Adam. But then they, no wait, I quote, "As soon as they had eaten it, they were given understanding and realised that they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and covered themselves." So basically, they were ashamed of their nakedness. But then God comes along & he's pissed off. "Hey, why are you covering up? I was looking at those. Wait... wait... thinking... thinking... thinking... ...HEY! You ate from the tree. I didn't say you could do that!" But basically Eve says, "The snake said I could." So God punishes them all. To Adam, to Man, he says, & I quote, "Because of what you have done, the ground will be under a curse. You will have to work hard all your life to make it produce enough food for you." So Men have to toil in the fields for the Rest of Time basically. God turns to Eve & says, I quote, "I will increase your trouble in pregnancy and your pain in giving birth." So Women have to go through the pain of childbirth. Then, God turns to the snake. Remember, the snake that *bleep*ed everything up in the first place. Adam & Eve did nothing wrong, they didn't know any better, this was all the snake's fault. So you think, ooh, he's gonna get it. God says to the snake & I quote, "You will be punished for this; you alone of all the animals must bear this curse: from now on, you will crawl on your belly, and you will have to eat dust as long as you live!" To which the snake probably replied, " But, I already... I mean, OOOOWWWW! AAAAAHHHH! Oooh! I'm in pain! Great pain! O GOD I'M BEING PUNISHED! Look. Ow, how does this work again? How do you crawl on your belly! Oh, this is suffering. jackass" That sucks! The snake already crawled on his belly! The snake did all the wrong & he got no punishment whatsoever! God was doing so well, creating the Universe & Eden & everything, he should have just stopped there. I mean, doesn't God know everything before it happens? I mean, where was he when all that was happening? Couldn't he have stopped that? Got a big Monty Python foot to squash him before he could tempt Eve? Could he have just kicked him away saying, "BOLLOCKS! BOLLOCKS! Little lying prick, don't listen to him!" Could God have told Adam & Eve beforehand? "Yeah, do what you like, just don't eat from the Tree of Knowledge. Oh, and if you see a talking snake, ignore EVERYTHING he says, he's a little lying twat trying to get you kicked out of paradise, so, just don't listen to him." I mean pick one or the other: The snake of the tree. If the snake wasn't there, none of our miserable human history would have happened. We'd be living in bliss right now. If God didn't want them taking from the tree why the *bleep* did he make the tree, or put it where they could easily reach it? Could he not have put it on top of a mountain, shrouded in cloud where no one could see it, let alone reach it? Did he need to make the tree in the first place? Where was the omnipotent God when all of that happened? Could he not have stopped it? Did he not know it was going to happen? Doesn't he know everything? Book of Genesis, brilliant up until you mention the Tree of Knowledge. It's a load of bollocks then. |
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